The Etiquette of Brushing a Cat

Now that I am acclimated to the house, I can take on some more intellectual pursuits. I'm going to start with the etiquette of brushing a cat. I'm starting with this subject because I'm an expert, and I love to be brushed.

Here are some of the rules:

1. The cat determines the time for the brushing. If the cat wants to be brushed, the cat will let you know. You really do not have to chase the cat all over the house for 15 minutes. By the time you catch the cat it will be so stressed out that the only way to calm it down is to give it drugs.

2. The brushing area should be in a quiet place and all other cats should be excluded. Cats are not into group brushings.

3. Have the brush ready and within arms reach. Do not put the cat in your lap, or hold the cat and then hunt for the brush. Because of rule number one, this may mean that you should carry a brush with you at all times.

4. The cat will tell you where to brush. This will usually be done by negative reaction (ie. biting, clawing, or general yowling) rather than positive feedback when you finally hit the right place.

5. Do not repeat the phrase, "when I brush the cat, I brush the whole cat, not just part of the cat." It's very annoying and the cat really doesn't care what you think.

6. Most cats prefer to be brushed behind the ears, on the jowls and on the neck. Start there and work down the back until the cat bites, claws or yowls. Just because it's fun to brush the cat's tail doesn't mean you should.

7. Sometimes, very rarely, the cat must humor the brusher and let him brush where the cat doesn't like it. For example, the Old Guy likes to brush the area right above my tail. I hate it, have let him know I hate it and yet he always goes there. I yap at him because I know he's going to do it know matter what I do, but he will eventually go back to my neck so it's worth sucking it in a little.

8. Do not just flip the cat over and start brushing it's tummy. This will result in a major scratching, biting hissathon and you really don't want to go there. The cat will let you know if the tummy is available for scratching.

These are just some of the rules. By way of example, in our house the brushing regimen is:

Me: ears, neck and jowls. Back is ok if light. Tummy is ok if I roll over on the floor. Do not touch my tail or the spot where my tail meets my back. My favorite area is in the garage on the brushing chair.

Pinot: Is ok with brushing so long as you don't mind getting bitten with every stroke. Otherwise its scratching only, and only when you are asleep in the middle of the night and he jumps on your stomach and walks up to your face, lays down and puts a paw on your nose.

Chow: Scratching only without the brush please. Favorite areas are the back and tummy, but only when splayed out on the floor in the universal scratching position. Otherwise stick to the ears, jowls and chin, especially when he is laying next to you in bed.

Good luck, and happy brushing.