Running In Place

Chase at my house is a regular event in the morning. We all love to run up the stairs to the living room, make a quick left turn and then run outside on the deck. One problem I'm having is running on the living room floor. When I run up the stairs and make the left turn, my hind legs go flying out from under me sending my butt and then the rest of my body into a tail spin. I guess it's the shiny floor. I've tried everything, claws out, claws in, head up, head down . . . nothing works. Take offs are also problematic. Before I get going I tend to run in place for a second or so, sometimes falling over on my side. Personally, I prefer carpet. Makes for better clawing too even though the Old Guy yells at me when I claw the carpet.

Camping

The pretty little girls, Lulu and Nessie are staying at my house for 10 days. This evening I heard a commotion in the living room. The Old Guy kept telling Pinot to "get out of there". I had to check this out so I slid out from under the bed to see what was going on. I looked into the living room and there was a small red tent, on its side. The Old Guy was running around it yelling at Pinot. I guess Pinot had run into the tent and then thought it would be fun to jump at the sides of the tent. When he did this the tent flipped over. Of course this just encouraged Pinot to jump around more. So the tent was kind of traveling around the house with the Old Guy yelling at it. He finally got Pinot out of the tent. Then, he set it up straight. Well, I can tell you that the Old Guy and Pretty Lady wouldn't fit in that tent. Only Lulu and cats could fit in there. So, after everything calmed down, I walked over. Pinot had gone back in without the Old Guy noticing, and laid down. He took up half the tent. I walked in, sniffed around, and sat at the entrance. I think after everyone goes to bed tonight I'm going to do some camping in the living room.

Fur Flying Fiasco

I enjoy being in my house and am thankful that I live here. I love the food, I like playing chase, there's lots of interesting stuff and the Old Guy gives a great scratch. However, there are a few things that I don't like. I don't like to be touched unless I have made a request to be touched. I don't like a lot of comotion. I refuse to be told what to do.

Last night Chow and I were kind of playing. At some point I lay down and Chow pounced. Now it's not unusual for Chow and Pinot to jump on each other and growl and hiss. They are clearly playing. I guess Chow thought I was Pinot or just got carried away. At the end of his pounce, he landed right on me. I reverted to feral cat and latched on to him to give him a good what for. Well when I did that, I think he figured he could do it too. I screached, Chow screached, I growled, Chow growled and we wrestled across the living room floor. Marina was standing right there and then she screached. I think she said something like Chow Mein's killing Minette. Ha Ha. No way. I can take care of myself. The Old Guy came running and I went running under the bed with Chow following up to the edge. The Old Guy barked at Chow and he ran away downstairs. The floor was covered with clumps of fur. The Old Guy is presently examining it to try to determine whose fur it is. It seems like cat fur, once removed from the cat, all blends in together, except for white fur. Later that night the Old Guy spread catnip all over the toys and busy kitty. Chow and I took turns rolling in it and playing with Barbie's head. But he never touched me.

The Return of Frakenstein

Last night there were no humans in my house. The Pretty Ladies and little girls went to San Diego to see Alexa and the catlike creature. I didn't know where the Old Guy went until he got home this morning at about 6:30. The Pretty Lady has been complaining about his snoring and so he is finally doing something about it. He said he went for a sleep test in Torrance. I didn't know what that was so he described it to me. He said he went to this office building. They buzzed him in because no one was there at 9 p.m. He went to the third floor and there was an office with a bunch of bedrooms. After he signed in, Clinton showed him his room. It had a bed, a bed table, a lamp, a mirror, a sitting chair and other stuff that made it look like a bed room. It also had a bunch of electronic stuff and a camera in the ceiling. Interesting. He said they glued about 20 wires to him: to his feet, his legs, his head, his face, and two straps of stuff around his stomach and his chest. Before they plugged him in he went to the bathroom and got a good look at himself. He said he looked like the Frankenstein Monster right before he broke out of Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory. After he got back, Clinton plugged him in, or actually plugged all of the wires into a computer link and stuck something on one of his fingers. Then Clinton said, "have a nice sleep." Wish I could have been there to see that.

Anyway, the Old Guy said he slept pretty well and ended the sleep with a doozie of a dream. It went like this: He was riding on a Harley with a bunch of other Harley guys and girls. He said it was nothing sinister, they were just riding down a pretty straight country road. Except, his Harley had a tiny handle bar like a mountain bike, except smaller. He said it was hard to control and he was always riding on the wrong side of the country lane. Then they stopped at a farm. He said the lady who ran the farm started to show him around. The first thing she showed him was something she was very excited about. She said she had crossed a deer with a camel. They walked around the corner of the barn and she said "there", pointing. Well, the result was a large bird like creature that looked kind of like an eagle crossed with an owl. Unfortunately, he didn't get an explanation because either the dream ended or he woke up. He said try as he might, he couldn't get back in the dream grove to find out what the heck she did to get a bird from a deer crossed with a camel. Then Clinton came in at 6 a.m. and said he was done. Clinton ripped, that's the word he used, ripped, off the electrical wires which hurt because they were glued on. Then the Old Guy drove home.

We were waiting at the door for the return of Frankenstein because we were all hungry. I hope I never have a snoring issue.

My BFF

It's been a little hectic at my house these last few days. The other Pretty Lady flew in from NYC with the Pretty Little Girl and a really small Pretty Little Girl. I didn't know what to think at first. The Pretty Little Girl, Lulu, chased me around a little. Didn't really like that much. She's slowed down after a few days now. I let her get within about a foot before I run away. She giggles a lot when she gets near me. The smaller one, Nessie, giggles and screams alot. But she isn't very fast. The other Pretty Lady is my old owner in SF. She still talks to me and makes cute cat-like noises, but I don't think I'll let her touch me.

This morning everyone was gone but the Old Guy. It is a beautiful sunny day and so clear you can see Catalina. After the Old Guy got dressed I walked in the bedroom, meowed and flopped on my side. The Old Guy knows that that's my signal to scratch me. Well he gave me the best scratch ever. I guess he likes the quiet too, and he just kept scratching me and I kept purring. Wow, I just realized I'm a lucky cat, especially when it's a beautiful morning and my BFF is giving me a scratch.

A Screech in the Night

Did you ever have one of those days where you just wanted to scream as loud as you could? You know what I mean. It happens to everyone. Yesterday the Old Guy and Pretty Lady were gone all day at UCLA. We didn't get fed dinner until 9:30.

Anyway, we ate and chased and so on. But, for reasons I can't explain, I just had to let out a loud screech. I tried to hold it in, and I did a pretty good job for a while. But finally I just couldn't stand it any more. I was laying streched out on the cool floor and all of a sudden Chow walked over and sat down near me. That was it. I let out one, and only one, of my loudest screaches ever. I mean it resonated throughout the house and, since the upstairs doors are open, the neighborhood too. I don't know why but that screech really carried. The Pretty Lady sat up in bed. The Old Guy came running. I guess the fact that it was 4:00 in the morning was a factor too. He ran in, in the dark, and there I was laying on my side looking at Chow who was sitting next to me. I looked up at the Old Guy and all I could think of to say was "What?"

Feeding Time at the Zoo

Now that I live full time in the house, I'm starting to get used to the feeding routine. To summarize, we get fed soft food twice a day, and twice a day there is a feeding frenzy! The morning routine begins at about 5:00 a.m. Ha ha, the Old Guy is fast asleep at 5 a.m. But Pinot and I aren't. Pinot starts the morning by jumping up on the Old Guy's, ah well let's just say he jumps on him in a place that is sure to get his attention. Then he walks a few steps to the Old Guy's chest and starts pawing at his face. He usually gets a few scratches from the Old Guy before getting tossed off the bed. That's the signal for Pinot and I to start loud chase games. Chow, who sleeps between the Old Guy and Pretty Lady, joins in too. At 5:30 the alarm goes off, but the Old Guy doesn't get up until 6:15. While he gets dressed we surround him. Wherever he goes, we go. He starts coffee, then he looks for the cat food can. If he doesn't have any soft cat food in the house, he goes to the big stash in the garage. We follow him down and then back up. He jingles the silverware which is the signal that food is on its way. Then he pulls out 3 cat dishes. At that point in time, Pinot jumps up on the counter to help and try to poach a few bites. The Old Guy complains to him but doesn't knock him off the counter. Then he puts the three cat bowls on the floor of the kitchen: Chow on the left, Pinot on the right, and me separated by about 10 feet. When I first got to go in the house the Old Guy had to stand guard over me and my food because Chow and Pinot finish their food in like 3 bites and then start looking for more . . . usually in my direction. After about a week I learned that if I growl, hiss and swing a paw they leave my food alone. Needless to say, the Old Guy doesn't need to stand guard any more. After we finish, Pinot starts begging for dry food if the dry food bowl is empty. The Old Guy immediately fills the bowl. Like Chow, Pinot has the power.

In the evening Chow stands guard at the window. When he sees the Old Guy coming up the stair he gives the cat sign and we all come running. Thereafter, we follow the Old Guy around until he complies. After that it's bath time . . . we self bathe. Last night we helped the Old Guy build a surf board rack for Derek's room. More on that next time.

The New Cat Toy

I guess having the carpets cleaned isn't so bad after all. The reason for this is when the carpets are finished, the cleaners leave a really unique cat toy behind. Chow, Pinot and I love it. At first we weren't sure what to make of it. Actually, I was kind of scared of it. So was Pinot, and Chow wouldn't touch it. But it just took a while before we realized that it is the best toy ever.

I'll try to describe it because I don't know what it's called. It's long, about 2 feet wide and it now crisscrosses our entire house, at least wherever there is carpet. Whenever we step on it it kind of makes a crinkling noise. That's why we were scared of it at first. Then we realized you could walk on it, run on it, hide under it, make it into a big paper ball, and tear it into a million little white pieces. I mean this is really cool. First Pinot and I played hide and seek. He would hide under it and wait for me to find him. Then he would jump out, I'd hiss and run, and he would chase me. Then I would chase him across the stuff and it would wad up into a big fluffy mess of white. After we would do this in the dining room we went on to the downstairs rooms. While we were down there, the Old Guy would straighten out the paper in the dining room so he could walk on it. Then when we were done down stairs, he'd straighten that one up. Then he would go up to the bed room and fix that one. By that time we scrambled up the one in the dining room again. I think it was the master Chow who discovered you could tear this stuff up into little pieces. So we did that for a while. Carpet cleaning? I love it!!!!

By the way, today Chow and I got into a big hissing cat fight. It started when he started bragging about how great the Dodgers are. He must have forgotten that I'm a San Francisco cat. But now we are friends again. We discovered that we both like the LA Kings and hate the Sharks.

Carpet Cleaning Day

Why is it that just when stuff smells perfect, at least to a cat, humans want to ruin things. When it comes to smells I like variety. Perfumee, stinky, sweatty . . . and stuff I can't identify, is the way I like things. It makes sniffing so interesting. But the Old Guy and Pretty Lady like everything to smell the same. Take the carpet for example. The carpets in the house were fantastic. You never knew what king of smell was going to pop up. It was a real cat treat. Not any more.

Early this morning the Old Guy started moving stuff all around the house and piling it up on the hard floors. It was very interesting, so interesting that as I rolled over to watch, the Old Guy snatched me up and put me in the bathroom. While I was sitting there wondering what was up the door opened and in flew Pinot. We sat there looking at each other and the door opened again and in flew Chow Mein. We were in there for 3 hours. This gave us a lot of time to see what we could do to remodel the bathroom. While we were doing this we heard a loud roar outside the room. Finally, after it got quiet the Old Guy tried to open the bathroom door. Sorry Old Guy. We opened a drawer right next to the door and it would only open about an inch. The Old Guy tried to work the drawer closed with his finger but it wouldn't budge. Meanwhile, Pinot stuck his paw through the door so the Old Guy couldn't close it. The Old Guy, having raised 4 kids and too many cats to count is pretty ingenious. He got a screwdriver and worked the drawer closed so he could open the door. Out we ran.

Yuck!!! What happened to the carpets. They all smell the same!!! Ewuuuu. Chow and I tipitoed all over. Pinot just walked out and laid down on the carpet. His last words were, I need to finish my nap. The bathroom playtime really wore me out.

Go Dodgers

Tonight the Old Guy and I watched the Dodger game. For the first 2 innings he gave me a good brushing. During the next 2 innings I took a bath on the couch. During innings 5 and 6 I took a good nap. That's all of the game I saw. I think baseball's boring so I went to find the boys.

Cleaning Lady Day

I took an informal vote amongst the cats in the house today. The issue is wheather Cleaning Lady Day sucks!!!!! The results were close, 2 to 1 in favor of it sucking. It seems that the Old Guy is very paranoid about us getting out of the house. So, on Cleaning Lady Day he hunts us all down and locks us up. Each one of us has a different take on this.

Chow Mein: When he sees the money envelope on the kitchen bar, he takes off and hides. Then while being dragged to the lock-up, which is really just one of the bedrooms not being cleaned, he struggles and scratches such that the Old Guy, upon reaching the designated bedroom, throws Chow in and closes the door.

Pinot: He follows to see what's going on and walk in voluntarily. He says he actually likes it.

Me: I am clueless. I walked into the bedroom after Pinot. But when the Old Guy tried to put the kitty litter in I ran out. The Old Guy chased me around the house and then gave up and walked into the garage. Well, when he walks into the garage that means I get a scratch. Not today. I'm locked in my cage with my water and kitty litter. Just like the old days. I vote that Cleaning Lady Day sucks!!!

Guilt and Patience

The Pretty Lady is in San Diego and so the Old Guy is on his own. The cat grape vine has it that when the Pretty Lady is away, the Old Guy will go to Manhattan Market and buy a fine piece of meat to barbque. And so it was tonight. The smells were intoxicating. Finally, the cooking was completed and he sat down with his steak to watch some kind of game where old guys, in bright uniforms, run into each other and fall down. During this process, some other guys keep yelling out stuff that I don't understand.

Anyway, tonight I learned valuable lessons from the Master, the Sensei of Food, Chow Mein. When the Old Guy was done cooking and had the piece of perfectly cooked meat on his plate, he walked to the couch to watch the brightly clad men with the screaming commentators, and he began to eat. Wow!!! I have never smelled something so good. As soon as he sat down I ran to the couch and jumped up and quickly walked over to the plate of good stuff. However, the Old Guy was very possessive of his food. He kept swating me away. Every time I moved to the meat, he wacked me.

While I was attacking the plate, unnoticed, at least by me, Chow Mein had jumped up on the Wyland coffee table. He sat down staring at the Old Guy. I mean, he just sat there. I kept making a move on the Old Guy's dinner, then getting pushed away on the couch, afterwhich I would would run back to the plate, only to get pushed back again. Chow just sat there, staring. It was surreal. He never even flinched a wisker.

Finally, much to my amazement, the Old Guy gave him a piece of meat, which Chow devoured. I attacked the plate again and again and got nothing. Chow, who sat there stoically, would get a piece every time he finished. Wow!!!!! I humbly Bow to the Chow. He is the Master, the Sensei. He is my hero.

Finally, after my 50th attack, the Old Guy took pity on me and gave me a few tender morsels. It tasted fantastic. But by then Chow had gone and was taking a bath. He said he was . . . full! I bow to the Master Chow.

I asked him what his secret was. He said, "My Daughter, the secret is: Guilt . . . and . . . Patience. The longer you stare, the more Guilt builds up in the Old Guy until he finally gives you the good stuff." Wow!!!! ChowMein, you are wise beyond your years!!!!

Addendum to The Etiquette of Brushing a Cat

At the end of the brushing, make sure you have treats available to give to the cat to reward him or her for allowing you to give them a brushing.

The Etiquette of Brushing a Cat

Now that I am acclimated to the house, I can take on some more intellectual pursuits. I'm going to start with the etiquette of brushing a cat. I'm starting with this subject because I'm an expert, and I love to be brushed.

Here are some of the rules:

1. The cat determines the time for the brushing. If the cat wants to be brushed, the cat will let you know. You really do not have to chase the cat all over the house for 15 minutes. By the time you catch the cat it will be so stressed out that the only way to calm it down is to give it drugs.

2. The brushing area should be in a quiet place and all other cats should be excluded. Cats are not into group brushings.

3. Have the brush ready and within arms reach. Do not put the cat in your lap, or hold the cat and then hunt for the brush. Because of rule number one, this may mean that you should carry a brush with you at all times.

4. The cat will tell you where to brush. This will usually be done by negative reaction (ie. biting, clawing, or general yowling) rather than positive feedback when you finally hit the right place.

5. Do not repeat the phrase, "when I brush the cat, I brush the whole cat, not just part of the cat." It's very annoying and the cat really doesn't care what you think.

6. Most cats prefer to be brushed behind the ears, on the jowls and on the neck. Start there and work down the back until the cat bites, claws or yowls. Just because it's fun to brush the cat's tail doesn't mean you should.

7. Sometimes, very rarely, the cat must humor the brusher and let him brush where the cat doesn't like it. For example, the Old Guy likes to brush the area right above my tail. I hate it, have let him know I hate it and yet he always goes there. I yap at him because I know he's going to do it know matter what I do, but he will eventually go back to my neck so it's worth sucking it in a little.

8. Do not just flip the cat over and start brushing it's tummy. This will result in a major scratching, biting hissathon and you really don't want to go there. The cat will let you know if the tummy is available for scratching.

These are just some of the rules. By way of example, in our house the brushing regimen is:

Me: ears, neck and jowls. Back is ok if light. Tummy is ok if I roll over on the floor. Do not touch my tail or the spot where my tail meets my back. My favorite area is in the garage on the brushing chair.

Pinot: Is ok with brushing so long as you don't mind getting bitten with every stroke. Otherwise its scratching only, and only when you are asleep in the middle of the night and he jumps on your stomach and walks up to your face, lays down and puts a paw on your nose.

Chow: Scratching only without the brush please. Favorite areas are the back and tummy, but only when splayed out on the floor in the universal scratching position. Otherwise stick to the ears, jowls and chin, especially when he is laying next to you in bed.

Good luck, and happy brushing.

Now I Know My ABC's

The Old Guy asked me this morning "who set off the ABC song on the child's toy in the living room." He told me it went off at 4:30 in the morning and he wants to know who did it. I asked "what ABC song?" He said he heard a lot of jing, jing, jinging, some paw thumping, and running as though there was some chasing going on at the time. He said he strongly suspects that more than one cat was involved. He also said that when he woke up, the ABC jingle played for about a minute. He also said that Chow was fast asleep next to him and the Pretty Lady. He said that leaves me and Pinot as the prime suspects. I answered that I had no idea what he was talking about. That I have an alabi. He asked, what's your alibi? I said "ask Pinot". He said he did, and Pinot said that he didn't do it either. I said, "well, maybe there's another cat in the house you don't know about. You know it's a really big house and the kids are always bringing new cats home." He wasn't amused.

Hearding Cats is Easy

You know how everyone makes fun of herding cats. It's supposed to be so difficult. Not in our house. In the morning, where ever the Old Guy or Pretty Lady goes in the house, 3 cats follow. If they are in the bathroom, 3 cats are laying on the floor. Today the Old Guy made breakfast and he had 3 cats running around the living room just outside of the kitchen. If he's in the garage, 3 cats are hanging out watching him. If the Pretty Lady is in the laundry room, she has 3 cats helping her. Herding cats is easy, when you know how to do it.

Jealousy

A couple of things today. As the Old Guy left the house today, Chow was sleeping in the garage in the towel bin. I think it's his new day-place.

I was laying on the landing to the bedroom and Pinot was laying there about 12 inches away from me, facing away from my face. He was flitting his tail back and forth . . . right in front of my face. As it would go by I took a swipe at it. It kept going back and forth, and I kept attacking it. Finally he looked at me and moved his tail away. So, I started swiping at his back legs. Finally, he had had enough and chased me down the stairs. I love morning play time.

I think the Old Guy is getting jealous of Pinot and Chow because now I play with them most of the day. It used to be when he came home and down to the garage I'd meow and go straight to the brushing chair. Now, it really depends and I'm not that fond of the garage any more. I really like doing stuff in the house and getting brushed on the sofa. I think the Old Guy is having a hard time adjusting. He's slowly coming around. But his old habits die hard. Wow, who would have thought that training a man would be so difficult.

Just Call Me the Housecat

Up until today I lived in two worlds. One world was my garage and the other world was inside the house. Well as of today you can just call me a housecat. I don't know why, but I now love the house! Last night we all slept soundly in the house. In the morning Pinot and I played chase. I really like starting on the ground floor and then chasing Pinot all the way up to the Old Guy's bedroom. Usually Pinot runs up the couch or one the the chairs and I go flying past him. Then I turn and run down the stairs and Pinot chases me. When the Old Guy came home for lunch today I came running out to meet him. I followed him around, occassionally meowing for a scratch. Sometimes I would lay on the floor in front of him and roll over so he would get the message. During the day Pinot and Chow are duds. For example, today Chow is sleeping in the garage in the beach towel basket and Pinot is sprawled in a corner near the bedroom. It's pretty warm here today and I guess they are tired. But not me. I want to play during the day. Wake up you duds!!!