The World's Biggest Loser, Cat Edition

We, meaning Pinot, Chow and me, have been living the good life. Apparently the Old Guy believes that we have been living the 'too good life', because, in association with Derek, he has decided that we should all lose some weight. So Derek did a cat weigh-in last week and the results were: Pinot 16 1/2 pounds, Chow 17 pounds, me 10 1/2 pounds. Well jeezzzzz, we had just returned from the pet prison in El Segundo after an 8 day sentence. We get little exercise and plenty of food so what did the Old Guy expect.

Since our return home, the Old Guy has put us on half rations. He has to guard my dish because Pinot eats his food in two bites and then comes over to sample my stuff. The rest of the day I am meowing for food so it's not like I'm not getting any exercise. Pinot just seems to sleep all day, and Chow occassionally gets into a fight with me, but otherwise I don't see him working out either. It's interesting, because when you are hungry all the time, you will go to great lengths to work out the hunger while waiting for your stomach capacity to shrink. Pinot has begun eating the plastic palm tree. Chow has lately focused on the real palm tree inside the front door and has managed to circumvent the wire fence the Old Guy constructed to keep him away from the palm. Me? I just beg all day. I don't like to eat plastic and, after Chow eats the palm, he throws up. Doesn't look fun.

So, today we had our first offical weigh-in after two weeks of diet: The results, Chow is the biggest looser, down one full pound. Way to go Chow. Pinot lost 1/2 pound. Me? It sucks, but my weight was the same. I am pretty sure I lost at least 1/4 pound, but our scale is not sensitive enough to pick it up. The next weigh-in is next Sunday. I'll report back then.

I've Been a Bad Puddy Tat

We've been locked in cat prison for about a week, when all of a sudden, the Pretty Lady showed up to get us out on parole. Apparently she had a few mishaps on her vacation to New York City. I guess she, the Old Guy's Mom and son, Derek, were supposed to leave NYC for home on Christmas Day. They ended up leaving the Old Guy behind because he was throwing up all over the apartment (24 hour flu). The Old Guy booked a flight the next day (Sunday) which turned out to be the day of one of the more fierce snow storms in NYC history. He kept booking new flights but couldn't get home until Friday, the 31st. But I digress. The Pretty Lady was also sick with the flu but a different one. She only felt like barfing but had an over 100 fever. Somehow she made it home. The next day she was supposed to pick us up. I guess she didn't have a very good day because I saw the following email posted to the Old Guy. All I can say is sorry Pretty Lady. I wish you would have told us you were sick. Maybe we would have behaved. And then again, maybe it wouldn't have made any difference.

"Here's a brief summary of my day (Sunday, December 26):
Woke up at 3:00am because I was coughing
Picked up my phone to see what time it was. Phone had ants on it (hmmmm, interesting....)
Turned on my lamp, Shirley had made me her grandmother's concoction for coughing. It was covered with ants!!!!!!! (I'm sure it would have been great, Shirley! Thank you for your thoughtfulness)
Cleaned up the ants. While I was herding and squishing that army of ants, an email came in. Phil's flight for the next day was canceled due to a blizzard.
Spent the next 2 hours checking out the weather and possible flights
Slept a little until 7:00
Got up, took a shower, went downstairs to get the rental ready for Ana (the cleaning lady). I was so weak, I could barely make the 2 beds and go up and down the stairs
Came back up, took 2 Tylenol, felt better, and went to breakfast with Shirley at Koffee Kart. Ordered my favorite avocado omelet. Only nibbled on it and took most of it home
Came home and got Shirley on her way.
Since the tree was being picked up tomorrow (our live Christmas tree which had to be returned 'cause it was rented), I needed to take the lights off (Shirley took the ornaments down). Got them totally tangled, since I'd never taken the lights down. Not fun
Ana was finished so I went down to finish the rental. Pots and pans were in a total jumble so I had to take them all out and rearrange.
Started coughing like crazy
IM'ed with Tera for a while which was so much fun
Started coughing like crazy
It's now 3:00 and I need to get the cats. In desperation I took the cough syrup with codeine. Hallelujah, it made me stop coughing enough to get in the car and pick up the cats
When I got home with them I parked behind the garage. I was being so careful not to back into the Tahoe that I didn't notice that I was crooked and scrapped the back fender of Big Red on the wall....ugh
Finally got the doors open and the cats into the garage. So relieved!
More coughing and now the chills
Put cat food out but only Chow came (hmmmm, interesting)
Called, but no Pinot or Minette......
Started looking for them......no cats....looked everywhere....no cats
Went in the garage, no cats.....then with horror, I noticed one of the garage doors was open about 6 inches...just enough for two cats to fit under (I mistakenly opened the wrong door when I was unloading the cats and didn't see that it didn't close all the way.....noooooooooooo!)
Shivering and coughing, out I went to find them.
No cats anywhere... went back in to get the cat food can....still no cats...finally after 10 minutes, Minette appeared by Kevin's house. Opened the garage door and herded her in. Yay, one down and one to go.
Searched for Pinot, but finally had to give up and go inside...no Pinot anywhere.
Looked outside...no Pinot....checked from derek's room, no Pinot. Went in Tera's room and there he was by the door meowing. Phew, finally!
Coughing, shivering, and trying to get ready to lie down......the final blow......I BARFED!
Temp over 102.
Took Tylenol and down for the night
Goodnight all!"

The Great Escape

Tuesday is trash day at our house. The Old Guy feeds us and then takes all the trash down to the garage and closes the doors to the house so we can't get out. He then opens one of the garage doors and puts out the trash. This year, because we celebrated Christmas early, there was a lot of stuff to put out. When he got done he walked back into the garage and pushed one of the garage door buttons. Unfortunately for him, it was the wrong one and he really opened a second garage door, leaving two open. He opened the interior doors connecting the garage to the house and went in to drink his coffee and read the paper.

After a while he wondered why no cats were bugging him like we always do when he is drinking his coffee and reading his paper. After about an hour he went to look for us. As he walked by the doors to the garage he could clearly hear sounds from outside. He went into the garage and almost croaked.

It didn't take us long to find the opening. Like the real Great Escape, we split up as soon as we were free. I went over to our neighbor Kevin's house because he has an interesting yard. Pinot wandered around aimlessly in our yard and Mein ran over to the Dump across the walk street. It was really cool. Reminded me of when I lived outside in SF. I was free . . . . well kind of free. Pretty soon I could hear the Old Guy's plaintiff yells. Next he tried shaking the crunchy jar and walking around the house. He saw me in the side yard and I knew I'd better run back into the garage. Once I got in we played chase between the two garage doors until I got tired and ran into the house. He closed the doors and heard the Pretty Lady say she could see Pinot slinking around the front yard. She opened the front door and he slunk in. He said the outdoors sucked and he needed to take a nap. Mein was missing. Finally the Old Guy saw him at the Dump taking a bath. As the Old Guy walked to him, Mein ran in a hole in the side of the Dump. Finally, the Old Guy had to go in a side door. Mein hid under a stair way and hissed. The Old Guy grabbed him and brought him back. Mein later told me he wanted to be caught but felt he should pretend he didn't want to.

We are all safe and sound in the house crunching on extra rations the Old Guy gave us. I think I may have seen a tear in his eye.

A Bird In the House Is Worth Two In The Bush

Yesterday, Sunday, the Old Guy was down painting the ceiling in one of the rental bedrooms. He heard a chirping, a little to close than it should be, and discovered that a bird had flown into the rental. Well, being Mr. Resourceful, he opened the sliding door and chased the bird around the rental until it flew out. So how many times does this happen in a life time, or even a day? How about twice.

When the Old Guy finished, he walked up to our house and as he stood outside the door he could see me, Chow and Pinot standing on the stairs inside looking up. The Old Guy came in and we didn't move. We kept staring. He looked around and couldn't find what we were looking at so he went in to get ready for the Galxy game. Derek came over and the Old Guy told him about the staring experience and showed where we were looking. We were staring at a painting next to the entry stairs. As they stood there they heard a rustling noise. The Old Guy pulled the painting away from the wall and could see a bird behind the painting. Chow and Pinot were put in a bedroom and the doors were closed. They opened the front door all the way. No way would I try to run out. I like it here too much. Anyway, the Old Guy, who obviously isn't very smart when it comes to birds, pulled the painting back and tried to shoo the bird with a broom. Well the bird flew up into the highest sky light and hid on the ledge. The Old Guy and Derek had to leave for the game so they decided to do the bird thing after they got back. They let Chow and Pinot out.

Big mistake. When they got back from the game they started to look for the bird. The first thing they found was a huge pile of feathers on the ground floor, scattered in a big circle. Then, upstairs they found drops of blood leading towards the downstairs and lots more feathers. They never found a body even though they looked all over the house, including the Old Guy's bed. Geeeezzzz. Body? What body? Anyway, no one was real hungry that night and it's a good thing because the Old Guy was majorly pissed off.

June 10, 2010, was my one year anniversary of living in Manhattan Beach. Since my arrival I have:
1. Lived in a cage in the garage;
2. Shredded the Old Guy;
3. Destroyed two Busy Kitty's;
4. Met Chow Mein and Pinot;
5. Met the Pretty Lady the second, Lulu, Nessie, Eli, Alexa, Derek, Tera (but I only allow Derek and the Old Guy to pick me up);
6. Discovered that I like to be scratched under the chin, around the neck, on top of my head, on my tummy and on my upper back;
7. Discovered that I don't like to be scratched on my lower back and I don't like my tail touched;
8. Discovered that Pinot is fun to chase and be chased by;
9. Discovered that I don't like Chow and he doesn't like me;
10. Practiced hissing at Chow;
11. Practiced growling at anyone who touched my tail;
12. Discovered that I like the food the Guy Serves;
13. Discovered that I can get the Old Guy to give me food any time of the day or night just by looking cute and meowing at him (hence I've put on a few pounds, but they look good on me);
14. Chased birds on the roof, maybe catching a few . . . or maybe not (this is not a confession and can't be used against me);
15. Used the plants as a kitty litter;
16. Beaten the crap out of Barbie's head;
17. Chased a lot of fake mousies;
18. Been brushed like a million times by the Old Guy;
19. Stayed at the Airport Pet Cottage too many times;
20. Had my picture taken a million times;
21. Discovered that I like to sleep in wicker baskets;
22. Chased my tail in the bath tub;
23. Realized that I never want to leave this place.

The "Tail" of the Fuzzy Stuff

I'mmmmmmm baaaa'aaaaaaack. With my play load, I don't have much time to blog. But, I promise I'll try harder. This last week the Old Guy was downstairs trying to play guitar. Frankly, it sounds like a bunch of scratching and yowling to me, but Pinot likes it. Chow Mein runs out of the room whenever he picks that thing up. Anyway, while the Old Guy was playing he noticed some fuzzy stuff on the floor. Since his seeing isn't that great . . . he must be blind . . . he didn't give it much attention. That is until the Pretty Lady yelled down to him asking whether he noticed the little bird feathers upstairs in the dining room. He didn't and he still didn't take a close look at the fuzzy stuff until he finished "playing". First he noticed a lot of finger length gray things which he picked up, examined, and found to be small bird feathers. Then he piled them up. Turns out they made quite a nice sized pile. Then he turned his attention to the other gray stuff which he thought was cat fur. He found it to be little bird down. Both he and the Pretty Lady then searched the house looking for a baby-bird carcass. So far it's been three days and they haven't found it . . . ha, ha, ha.

Free at last . . . I'm free at last.

No, I haven't died. I'm just lazy. A lot has gone on in the past 2 months that I'll cover over the next few weeks, whenever I feel like it. We have spent a couple of sessions at the cat gulag, and one 3 dayer at home, alone while the old guy went skiing. Generally, life is peaceful, until last night.

It is common knowledge in the household that other animals lurk in the neighborhood. There's cats, possums, mice, bugs, you name it. There are a number of perfect viewing areas in our house, but the favorite one is downstairs, near the front door, where there is a floor to ceiling window that is actually two pieces of glass which come together at about a 45 degree angle. It's like living in an aquarium except that instead of fish going by, it's animals and people. Last night Chow was in the aquarium window looking out when two things happened in close proximity. First an unidentified animal passed by. This got Chow to pacing up and down next to the window. Then the Pretty Lady got home after visiting her mom. Chow really wanted to chase the unidentified creature which went by. The Pretty Lady was carrying a bunch of stuff in her hands. Chow, knowing she had to open the door, and seeing her hands otherwise occupied, positioned himself near the door. As the Pretty Lady opened the door he leaped at her. Now the Pretty Lady is pretty fast too. So, her hands being full, she trapped Chow between her legs and yelled for the Old Guy. Now, while the Old Guy fashions himself as quite the athlete, his speed is unmatched by Chow's determination. While the Pretty Lady had him pinned, he wiggled and made himself thin, and slithered away. Interestingly, he ran about 10 feet and turned to give a special look of satisfaction and accomplishment to the Pretty Lady. By then the Old Guy had arrived to see Chow's "B" hole toddle off down the walk street. The Old Guy went on the chase but it was too dark. Chow slipped between the houses so the Old Guy went and got a flash light. He then made a fool of himself, walking between houses yelling "Mein" and going "psss, psss, psss" which is the household universal call for just about anything, including food. Of course Chow just blew him off. The Old Guy could hear the jing, jing, jing of Chow's bell, but couldn't see him. Then, just as the Old Guy was ready to admit defeat, he saw a cat silhouette run by. He tried to follow it back to the house where he looked up at the front door. He couldn't see Chow. But he could see me through the glass straining my neck looking to the left. Then Pinot came up and he looked real interested in something too. Well, we were looking at Chow who had made a decision that being outside was not as cool as it looked and he wanted to get back in. The Old Guy figured that we were giving away Chow's position and followed our gaze to the Mein himself, who allowed the Old Guy to pick him up and throw him back in the house. All three of us spent the rest of the evening at the acquarium window wating for something else to walk by. The Old Guy? We must have tired him out because he went to bed.